Theatre Jokes

Across the top it says "Someone tells a theatre joke", below that is a picture from The Wizard of Oz where the wicked witch is laughing and Glenda, the good witch is watching, looking bewildered. The caption next the the wicked witch says "theatre kids" and the caption next to Glenda says "everyone else"

They say that laughter is the best medicine, and we’re inclined to agree! Luckily, there’s jokes aplenty out there in theatre-land, from stand-up superstars to cheesy panto banter. Being the geeks we are, we can’t resist a theatre funny or two, so here are a few of our favorite jokes that only theatre nerds would truly understand…

  1. Two neighbors in Stratford have a dispute about whose house is the authentic birthplace of William Shakespeare. Officials kept the peace by putting a plaque on both their houses.
  2. A Stage Manager’s View of the World:
    The tech crew trips over clearly marked ledges.
    Actors trip over tape on the floor.
    Dancers trip over tape that was pulled up yesterday.
  3. How do you drown an actor?
    Place a mirror at the bottom of a pool.
  4. How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?
    100 of course! 1 to screw the bulb in and 99 to stand around, saying, “It should be me up there!” and “I could have done it better!”
  5. How many producers does it take to change a light bulb?
    Sorry, a new light bulb isn’t in the budget.
  6. A sound technician, a lighting designer and a stage manager find an old lamp, backstage at the theatre. One of them gives it a rub, and out wafts a genie! “Since you all found me,” he says, “You each get one wish!”
    The sound technician steps up and says, “I wish to be sitting poolside in my own multi-million-dollar mansion!” And POOF, he is gone.
    The lighting director takes his turn and says, “Well, I wish to be sitting on the beach on my own multi-billion-dollar private island!” And POOF, he is gone.
    The stage manager turns to the genie and says, “I wish to have them both back in 10 minutes.”
  7. The second funniest part of Macbeth is when the soldiers all cut a branch of a tree to hold in front of them while they march on the castle; pretending to be innocent trees instead of an army.
    The funniest part is that it actually works.